Get It? Got It? Good.

Some people really need to learn their manners.  I have been the recipient of several very strange messages, some funny, some weird, some lame, many just downright inappropriate, and all most likely meant to be kept secret.

We've all heard of the online dating requests for threesome participation, and, not gonna lie, I'm a little disappointed that I have yet to receive such a message!  I'm a little relieved, too, but that's besides the point...  Anyway let's go down the list, shall we?  I've due through the archives, and here are some winners =)

• Annoying Fan: For those of you who aren't aware, I used to have a somewhat high-profile job in DC, wherein I still get "recognized" as having been in that position every once in awhile.  I had received a couple of borderline inappropriate messages from one guy, that I deleted (I know, I know... rookie mistake on my part, since I no longer have that dialogue).  Anyway, I deleted the messages with the intention of never replying again once he asked me what my butt looks like in the shorts I'm wearing in one of my pictures.  He then also asked me if I was, indeed, who he thought I was.  Dammit.  I felt I had to be polite and reply, so.. I did.  He eventually messaged me with this gem: "so [sic] if i may ask, around how many dates until you sleep with a guy?" to which I replied, "Nope."  I think he got the message after that.
• Cheesy Guy:
• Me: Sounds gouda
• CG: Gouda? That was cheesy.
• Me: I can get pretty Krafty sometimes
• CG: Are you trying to say you're butter and on a roll with your puns?
• Me: I can't help it; I was bread this way
• [crickets]
• I've also been messaged by the same girl a couple of times.  Not entirely sure how she found me as my profile is clearly WfM, but she did try to hook it up both times.  I declined.
• Fruity Guy: "Do you like pineapples?"  I wanted to reply back that I do, but am allergic, but I was afraid that he'd take it the wrong way.  Incidentally, that's the truth.
• Prince UnCharming: "What are you looking for on here?  PS: None of the looking for Prince Charming bullcrap."  Damn. That's exactly why I'm on OKC.
• Awkward Guy: Background~ I have something in my profile that mentions that I'm looking for fun times, and hoping for some good stories... this was apparently in response to that: "I was carrying groceries in both hands (two trips are for losers), and I had my security badge in my hoodie pocket, which happens to be near my crotch.  I tried to swipe the sensor with my badge without putting the groceries down, but the sensor is a little too high, so it ends up just looking like I'm thrusting my crotch at the door. A girl comes up as it looks like I'm humping the door and says "uhhhh, buy it dinner first"
• This was too good not to reply to.  Especially since he used (mostly) good grammar throughout that story.
• Insecure Douche: We went back and forth texting a couple of times, then he deleted my number I guess.  He messaged me on the website out of the blue with this little piece of awesome: "You should give me your number.  I remember liking you."  I REMEMBER LIKING YOU.  Wow.  Okay, cool dude.  You're a MAN.
• Random Guy: "TGIF!" over and over again.  As in each and every Friday for weeks now.  I have yet to reply.
• Confusing Guy: He simply wrote "Hey gn"  I have no idea what that means.  Anyone care to shed some light on this?
• Probably Meant Something Else Guy: "I want to be you in Mariokart before you leave."  I've never been told by a guy that he wants to be me.  Quite the compliment, I'd say.
• My Roommate: "Sup slut, let's make out."  ...Yep.  He found me.
• Hip Hop History Guy: He gave me the progeny of T Pain's name:
• Growing up, he had a lot of hip hop influences, mainly Fifty Cent and Common.  Both were more than instrumental in modling his rap game.  He tried relentlessly to figure out how to pay homage to these inspirations, and finally decided to memorialize the impact they had made on his life by incorporating them into his rap pseudonym.  T.Pain is derived from Thomas Payne, whose most famous book written during the American Revolution was called Common Sense.  This book had always been a favorite of T. Pain's, and it perfectly attributed COMMON and fifty CENT in his own hip hop identity.
• I have no clue if this is true or not.  I sincerely hope that it is
• Can't Take a Hint Guy: This actually came as a text from somebody that I had gone on a date with. I believe I referred to him as The Child, or perhaps the Clinger.  Either way, I was quite unprepared to receive this proposal a couple of weeks after I had told him that I wasn't interested: "Hey Alix [yes, he wrote my name with an "i"].  You want to try something physical? NSA." Ummm... How about NO?
• 50 Shades Guy: Verbatim, this is what he wrote me:
• "Women hate having to read between the lines on messages from guys on okcupid so I'll just going to be upfront [sic].  With that said... I don't want sex.  But I am looking for a Dom/sub relationship."
• Seriously WTF dude.  kthxbai
• Negging Guy (if you don't know what "negging" is, check out this guest strip on Questionable Content:
• "Your last picture makes it look like you have downs. I'd get rid of that one. I guess it doesn't really matter though because you are beautiful. Just trying to help you out, one beautiful person to another."
• Please note: the above message was sent to me as I was typing up this blog entry.  Somebody up there has jokes.

Of course, there are also the many canned messages that guys send out, too.  C'mon guys, at least PRETEND that you've read through my profile.  I'm not going to reply to a message that simply reads, "Hi names [redacted]" So dumb.

There's also this lovely guy who clearly doesn't understand that people on online dating sites will look at your profile and not necessarily message you back:

Disclaimer: I'm not a nice person sometimes.

Grow a Pair Guy: hello, do you think we can hang out and get to know each other?
Me: [checked out his profile but didn't reply to the message]
GaP: Why are you not answering me?  Give me just one reason, I don't really get it.
If someone asks you something face2face, would you just walk away and not answer him?
Me: Do you generally just go up to people and ask to hang out without any pretense?  And if you do, and they don't react how you wanted them to, do you get offended?
GaP: No I don't
I would really respect if they say something like ' sorry or I'm not interested'
Any kind of reply not just to ignore [okay, maybe he has a point, but I was having a bad day and felt like running my mouth]
Me: Look dude, I'm at work right now and don't really have the time to justify my inaction. However, for your benefit, let's go through this. As I am at work, occasionally I'll sign in to read a message with the intent to reply later when I'm better prepared, and have the time to dedicate, for a conversation. However, your passive-aggression has made me less inclined to continue this discussion any further.
A word of advice: try to engage the people you message with some sort of connection you've made between yourself and their profiles. Make yourself stand out from all the other people who just message randomly.
Oh, and one last thing: this is online dating. Not everybody is going to respond to your messages. My advice is for you to grow a thicker skin and not check up on every girl you message asking why she didn't respond, because it'll probably end up like this. That or she'll spare you and just ignore the messages.
Good luck going forward. Have a great day!




Yeah, he got the message.





Apologies if not all of the above messages were up to snuff for you.  I probably could have been a little more discerning about what I did and did not share.  But whatever.  It's my blog and I do what I want! :)

-A

Well, It's Happened...

I broke my Cardinal Rule.

I allowed myself to kiss and be kissed on the first date.  And guess what, dear reader(s)?  It came back to bite me in the butt.

I believe I may have mentioned this in a previous post, so forgive my potential redundancy.  I have rules, guys.  Rules to help keep me from getting too attached, from over-thinking, from emotions.

I broke one of my rules.  And it's not the "No Facebooking" rule, because that could be easily managed ("Oops, I must have misspelled my last name."  "Oh, I didn't realize that was you, Tonsil Hockey!" "I don't really use Facebook all that often."  "My pet panda must have gone through my Friends List and deleted everybody AGAIN."  The excuses for not accepting someone's FB invite are limitless if you're creative enough.)

No, it wasn't that rule.  Couldn't have been the one I broke.  It was the No Kissin' on the First Date Rule.

I know myself, you guys.  I. Get. Attached.  And easily, to boot.  Part of this experiment has become a mission in decidedly NOT getting attached to anybody, especially the closer I get to The Big Move.  So, believe me when I say that this is the Number One Unbreakable Rule.

Naturally, I couldn't help myself after a couple of beers and a Really Cute Guy.  Let's call him... Skirt Man (details to come later.  Promise).

Skirt Man is another of the OKC victims dates.  He lives up in Annapolis, which made meeting up somewhat difficult, but after a few weeks(!) of texting back and forth, lo and behold, somebody had a work meeting in Old Town!  I already had dinner plans with family that night, so we decided to meet up for some Happy Hour adult beverages close to my house.  He was quite the gentleman, and I found myself having a great time.  Excellent conversation (primed by the aforementioned weeks of texting) was combined with a physical attraction and probably more beers than recommended for this kind of occasion.  He walked me back to my house- I told you he was a gentleman- and came inside for a few minutes, since someone had left the front door open (no intruders- yes!).  And he kissed me.  And I kissed back.  It was great, and probably a really good thing that I had Family Dinner that night, since he was very forward with his intentions, both vocally that night and via text over the next fortnight.

Okay, so Fast Forward a couple of weeks to the next opportunity we have to get together.  I was up in Baltimore to have dinner with one of my very best friends and his parents, so Skirt Man and I met up for a couple of beers.  Oh, right.  The skirt.  He texted me a picture of a skirt he'd bought and he was really excited about wearing it.  Did I mention he was actually wearing the skirt in question in said picture?  Maybe I did dodge a bullet here... ha  Turns out it's a kayaking "skirt," made of some material that allows for him to do barrel rolls or some other craziness without having water get in the craft.  Who knows?!  ANYway... so we met up at a bar, got a couple of beers and chatted for awhile.  Then we went to an art museum since I still had some time before meeting up with my friend.  Hand-holding commenced, which was pretty cute (at least I thought so!).  The time came for me to see my friend, so I drove him back to his car.  We got there, and before getting out of the car, he looks me in the eyes, leans in and...








hugs me.







Seriously, dude?  You knew my rule (yes, I disclosed the rule prior to the kiss), broke my rule, and then nada??  Talk about some poor manners.

I think I covered my initial shock well, but over the next couple of days, I found myself getting more and more irked by what went down, or rather what didn't go down.  I texted Skirt Man later that week, and was informed that he didn't want to start anything with me leaving so soon.  SO THEN WHY ASK ME OUT AGAIN??  Needless to say, I haven't contacted him since.

Ugh.  Boys.